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writing2 min read

the irony of this post is twofold:

  1. i missed all of my writing and most of my workout rituals for the last week
  2. i don't really feel like writing anything right now, either

it's common knowledge (i think?) that once a ritual (that i don't necessarily want to do — 'habits' can be different) is broken, starting again is harder and harder. at some point, i feel, that difficulty plateaus, though perhaps begins to decrease over time. this would explain why me getting out the ole' blog project to write this post is so damn hard but when it had been months since i last worked out, i was able to convince myself to go to the gym again

not that it was easy to get myself into the gym again, but it's been fun to see how my attitude towards the gym changes whether or not i'm actively following a ritual or not. last week when i was actively hitting the gym every other day, going to the gym was easy. it was a known scenario. no surprises. and that made it pretty easy to get up and go.

now that i've been away for a week, i feel some sense of fear, some sense of uncertainty, and a premonition of pain. i don't want to go to the gym. i might fail some lifts that i'd normally succeed at, just cause i've let my body eat high-single-digits of burritos in the last 7 days and haven't done anything more difficult than bike across a small city.

the fun part is that i also know that as soon as today is over and i'm back in the groove, we'll be back in that sweet spot of regularity

something something read 'War of Art'

i don't subscribe to the 'higher' connotations in the word 'ritual'. more the 'good' connotations. habits can be good or bad, but rituals are—to me—clearly 'good', desipite the possibility of summoning a dark wizard

a friend came back from a week+ silent meditation retreat recently. they spent 6.5 hours sleeping, 11 hours meditating, and the other 6.5 doing idk what, but presumably nothing interesting.

one of their takeaways from the experience was the notion that "as soon as the day had started, it was over" — nothing new would happen, nothing would change the ritual they had subscribed to. and that was—at least somewhat—comforting.

this post won't be my greatest work, but at least i'm writing again.